Struggle by the Sea

She watches him

On their bench beside

The sea’s crashing—

There is nothing but

Old loves dying

As the fish struggle.

* My latest contribution to the wonderful One Shot Poetry Wednesdays! If you get the chance, be sure to check out all the other talented One Stop poets posting there – and what about yourself? If you haven’t signed up yet, and you’re among the creative…what are you waiting for?

Advertisements

37 thoughts on “Struggle by the Sea

  1. The alliteration and flow of the second line into the third sets a nice pace from which the final part of the poem alters drastically, dramatically. The short lines fit the sea theme very well.

  2. Lovely…the rhythm and flow of this is good.

    The intertwining subjects build a nice poem.

    Lady Nyo….has the feel of a good tanka!

  3. Oh man! You got me with this one Chris. I’ve lived within walking distance of the sea all my life, it’s always been my place of refuge. This is beautiful and devastating in equal measure. That last line is dynamite – love struggling for breath. Superb write.

  4. How do you manage to say so much in so few lines and use all the tools some of us have been trying to perfect for ages effectively in one small piece? I’m not envoius at all…well ok just a little 😉 Loved the counterpoint/ turning point of the last line. Took my breath away a little. Excellent!

  5. Again, you have managed to create such a vivid picture with few words, and it is lovely and sad and beautiful all at once. Loved it 🙂

  6. Beautifully said, so much in so few words…(I have a tendancy to say so little in so many words)…I love the last line, the world moves on…wonderfully done.

  7. As you’ve seen, I’m not much of an adept – or enthusiast – for compression in poetry, but this poem proves me wrong in every way. In six lines you name the whole commotion of the sea inside and out along the shore both share. – Brendan

  8. Chris, I must ask myself, how do you say in 22 words, worlds more than I, in 184 words?

    All my life I was told, “You talk too much!” Even Sr Rose Gertrude in Grade 1…

    I’ll find out if it is true, the statement “You’re never too old to learn!” –grin!

    Thanks, and PEACE!

  9. I really like how you place love on the same level with the fish struggling. We tend to think of love as a lofty thing, but there are moments when it resembles little more than fish struggling. Very good one shot!

  10. Power is what you’ve got in this poem, Chris! In three images you’ve written a novel-length narrative: ‘watches him on a bench as the sea is crashing–yet, nothing there but old loves dying and the fish still struggling’. Wow!!!! Thanks so much!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s