Breathe light.
The moment the
candle flickers to dark
no covers keep the monsters back–
life holds.
* My latest contribution to the wonderful One Shot Poetry Wednesdays! The style used here is known as Cinquain, a five-line stanza form containing twenty-two syllables, in the sequence: 2, 4, 6, 8, 2. Notice I’ve been on a bit of a Cinquain trip lately? So have I. It happens. I’ve been form-napped.
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you took me right back to childhood with your cinquain chris…reminded me of one night..i was lying in my bed and there was this monster dancing in the wind and i was afraid to breathe..either i fainted because i didn’t breathe or sleep overwhelmed me – but next morning i saw that it was a dress of my mother, dancing in the wind from the open window…agh…
Ah, memories. Childhood could be a frightening time.
It is so great you can master these styles! You are very talented. I have a hard time working in the confines of poetry rules and always admire those with the skill to pull it off. Lovely! ♥
You’ve been form-napped — and we’re the beneficiaries. It’s a lovely poem.
lol I believe I have been form nabbed too. I am ready to escape. Structure or maybe more like rules eats at my natural desire to rebel. lol
You have wrote a very nice Cinquain. All I can say is sometimes we have to let the monsters in so we can face them or except them. 🙂
A lovely,…. and breathless….cinquain.
Monsters! All through life!
Lady Nyo
Beautiful cinquain and I loved Claudia’s story too. My old friend fears the dark more than death. It’s probably ruined his eyes or perhaps reading himself to sleep or just the vagaries of getting older. I like to think it’s his fear of the dark so well captured here. Thank you.
oh the monsters are real…they wait…but i am glad life held…smiles. my brothers halloween mask glowed in the dark…it was evil…
Imagination has big big monsters. A perfectly constructed cinquain, neatly drawn and well worth being form-napped, for sure.
Spooky. Brings me back to being young and being scared when the lights went out. Great title. Succinct, and “Breathe light” sets the tone for additional interpretations.
This is really great. I like every line, and I think we can all relate to being afraid of monsters in the dark. Very nice 🙂
Very nice…the monsters…no covers can keep back…no, life is always there…bkm
We can’t hold back the dark but fortunately we can still breathe the light.
oh, this is wonderful!
i will have to try one
thank you for your visit and comment
take care
Hope
I love how it feels so airy and light and then you bring the dark side in. Brilliant.
Umm.. yes! I noticed the Cinquainy-you! 🙂 And I must say, you are excelling at it!!
As for the poem itself… I got quite the chills really… reminded me of my pre-school days, when I used to stay under the covers, lying WIDE awake, and wondering all the time of some monster’s watching me! And boooyyy … going to pee at night was another story by itself!! Aahh… nostalgia!!
How such few words can stir one’s mind so deeply, is just amazing! Goes to show how well you write, my friend! Bravo!!
Lovely. I should try that form one of these days. I’m not too familiar with it. 🙂
I like this form, makes you think.
Nice interpretation.
The boogey monster liked the dark we feared. lol
Nice concise piece, Chris. I just learnt about a new form.
Thanks.
One of the best works I’ve read in the past few weeks – I’ve read approximately three-hundred+ poems/stories in that time. Wish I’d written this, it’s amazing.
Yep. More than one level. I love the brevity of it with emotional impact intact. Not something I’m good at, so I admire it in others. Thanks.
I used to deliver the Detroit Free press at four in the morning when I was around 13. There was one porch I heaved the paper onto because I could swear there was a person standing in the corner in the dark….that person was there the same time every morning and my breathing was always labored. Like this tight write of vunerability.
Hi Chris
OH! Life holds… very beautiful.
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/03/whispers-winter-dew.html
Twitter @VerseEveryDay
Very well done. Incredibly well layered from light to the eerie feeling of night ~ life…too bad it has to hold those monsters… 🙂 Great writing! ~April
One of the poets on Facial introduced me to this form Chris. It really suits your subject here. I like these short pieces that encapsulate one thought and yet still have many layers and allow the poet to speak in depth with few words. It’s a wonderful skill if you can pull it of and you have.
I know exactly what you mean about being form-napped. I love form as much as free-verse and do tend to have bursts of both.