Little bird let fly
Don’t you dare lie
Beside me in the grave,
I dug this cave
For me and not no other,
Smothered myself and fled my brothers;
Enslaved, if you will,
I know it’s no Seville,
But it’s my soul at the reckon,
And that wreckin’s beckoned,
And try as I might,
I’m dying of fright
Of life and of you,
Engrained on me as a stinging tattoo.
Won’t do us no good to wonder,
Tip our heads to call the thunder;
I’m already killin’ myself slowly,
Me, wholly unholy
And I’ll not see you follow me whereby
Your own bitter end supply.
* My latest contribution to the wonderful One Shot Poetry Wednesdays! Once you’ve had a look, check out some of the other One Shot Poets as well–they’re a skilled bunch of poets, with a strong and supportive community. Enjoy!
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Such an intense poem……….I really like this!
I agree, very intense… And very poignant.
Sad, honest, and almost overpowering.
Nicely done.
By the way, check out my response to you comment on my site.
read it three times now…this plane came crashin’ down…
“I’m dying of fright
Of life and of you”
very strong write chris
I know, right? he’s got an ability to convey SO much with so few words. His previous poem is just as powerful, with even less.
Amazing flow and dexterity in this poem Chris. Such an empathy I have with your words…keep shining!
Love the strong rhyming, sometimes I shy away from it but it works really well here to build up a powerful, building tempo. Very much enjoyed reading.
This is saddening.
One dug a grave to lie in by one’s self, not even the company of a bird… Deep, there’s a sense of panic just after mid-point, as if the speaker braves tension, realizes vulnerability perhaps as a determined condition. The cadence and rhyme is excellent too! Also, Claudia quotes the passage that got to me most. Very powerful!
a good poem…the rhyme really worked for me… because it was so quick it intensified the feeling…(if that makes sense???)
Powerful words excellently done.
dang. this is the second one in a row on dying and killing one self…too much and i might just get depressed…smiles. good job stirring the emotions…
Hard write but a good one Chris. Hope this is just an exploration and doesn’t represent your own state of mind. Beautifully written at any rate. Well done, Gay @beachanny
A very effective use of formal and informal constructions that might have been awkward but isn’t, instead a very clean smooth and potent ride through some rough territory of the psyche. Strong, ringing finish. This could work well as a song lyric, I think.
Good word choices, flow, line breaks – nailed it again. 🙂
Very intense and powerful piece, I could feel the raw energy radiating from each word. Wonderful job!
Terrific contribution this week, you know words. My favorite bit, “Engrained on me as a stinging tattoo” and so many other bits, too…
Very strong words, I often get the feeling that it is okay if I fall, but others shouldn’t be dragged down with me. I feel that I can dig my own grave, but it should be mine alone. Somehow we all get slight sadistic tendencies towards ourselves, don’t we? Saddest is when we land up bringing another down with us…even though we never intended to. Wonderful and profound poem!
A very fine piece of work Chris, strong lines and creative flow, I totally enjoyed the flight..:)
Wow. Anger and sadness, all captured eloquently. I love reckon/wreckin’/beckoned. Little bird, I don’t want you in my grave either– I want you to keep flying forever.
A poignant piece you wrote here….and about the question you asked on my page, well, I just conceived the idea of writing the book. Will consider all the options in getting published and go for the best available and most convenient. Thanks for the check.
Bless!
I really like the rhythm of this.
Wow!! This was intense, dark and so very felt!
When fear and negativity set in, they really can get the better of us… whheeww!
I hope this is only fiction, Chris.. But an excellent One shot nonetheless!
Have a good one, my friend..
I just loved this. I loved the flow. I loved your syntax, your word choices, and I loved the title (unique). I hope it’s fiction, too, you can’t go down, you’re just starting to soar…
I agree with others, sad intense and written very well. I too saw the sudden panic and vulnerability halfway through the poem. I liked how the narrator did not wish for the bird to follow an pleaded with it. Great write. Thank you for sharing.
Stylistically, I like the triple rhyme of “reckon,” “wreckin’s,” and “beckoned.” But like other commenters, I agree that the poem feels especially tragic.
Its sad and vocative and perfectly written. .. in the rhyming words looked simple but perfctly blended… I loved the lines
‘I’m dying of fright
Of life and of you,
Engrained on me as a stinging tattoo.’
Thanks for sharing…
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com
Twitter @VerseEveryDay
Such intensity, strong rhythms… deep thoughts touching the chasms of pain. Well done.
With vision and force the power of your words is presented in what I think to be a fantastic write. I love to rhyme, and love those that do, and when it is done so well, praise must be given. Without so much as a stumble in rhythm, you have delivered a potent piece. Bravo!
nice, I really love the title of this…it sets you up for the piece and last line hits it home…the rhyme well done…bkm
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Very powerful emotion evoked…and great rhyming..very impressive. I liked a lot. Kudos!
Sad and emotional. Hard hitting!