Writhing serpent of my dissolution
No solution
To your pollution
Of my ever-yearning soul
No more grim atoll
Might ever seize upon my whole—
My life, my life!
They call upon the fife
Thrusting its notes upon the edge of a knife
No travail
Might ever prevail
Above the madness that assail
My spirit wails, unfit
To persevere and to submit
To all the hopes that you have writ.
* My latest contribution to the wonderful One Shot Poetry Wednesdays! Once you’ve had a look, check out some of the other One Shot Poets as well– they’re a skilled bunch of poets, looking to form a community and support one another. Enjoy!
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An interesting treatment today. Enjoyed it.
Wow – I feel the writhing , dissatisfaction, the striving for what is out of reach.
Chris – you never stop amazing me with your talent in both writing and photography
thanks for each week coming by to One Shot
glad to have a talented friend such as you – Moonie
“No travail / Might ever prevail / Above the madness that assail” the repetition of rhyme, along with the sentiment, fits well with the imagery. Like the title too. Excellent wordplay throughout the poem.
This piece just flows off the tongue, beautiful cadence and structure!
Good, seen-through-fresh-eyes pairing of words, with particularly a particularly strong beginning and finish, along with the uber-cool line, “Thrusting its notes upon the edge of a knife”.
impressive structure Chris..!! beautiful lines, i like it so much..:)
You’ve captured that sense of running into brick walls perfectly. And isn’t all a series of frustrations, puzzles, questions and then trying to figure it out; but having to abandon a pursuit without seeing it to conclusion can be the worst. Yes one does feel writhing, and snaky and discontent. Great metaphors! Thanks, Gay @beachanny
this has a wicked pace and rhyme scheme to it…which only adds to the feeling throughout…great one shot!
Ah, the awesome rhythm and rhyme! The emotions came right through the words. The frustration of the speaker builds from each rhyme to the next. Really awesome work!
The tension builds with the frustration from line to line…so well done! (though a horrible place to be)
This is definately a ROL poem….read out loud. It captures frustration in a snare…writhing, struggling, and of course frustrating.
What a start!
the middles makes it
I’m a sucker for any poem that uses the word ‘writ’ properly. Well done!
love the restlessness in it – the rhythm makes us feel the strive even more
Loved the rhyme in this, it works well, and aloud, even better.
My fave line: “Thrusting its notes upon the edge of a knife.”
Such familair feelings you’ve captured here so perfectly. Thanks forsharing.
i could see this one being read…really would be a good performance piece…its just has that punchy flow to it..great one shot cheers pete
I agree with pete! This would be a poem to read out loud! with such wonderful words that feel amazing upon your tongue
serpent
pollution
grim atoll
dissolution
I am so saying each one out loud right now! Ha!
Fantastic One Shot
Very very interesting and the words “My Life, My life… ” rang out loud … I enjoyed reading it so much…
Lovely.
ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
I will great if you connect with me at Twitter @VerseEveryDay to read daily #FreeHaiku on love, life and longing
beautifully written.